Dags att skratta!
OBS: Inget för Sunderland-fans!
Det är ju alltid kul med lite varma och sköna skratt i det kalla och mörka December.
SUNDERLAND´S NEW SIGNING
Bob Murray takes Peter Reid to one side and says:
"You know Peter, I´ve noticed we have only one coloured player on our books and every side in the Premiership seems to have at least one dynamic coloured striker in their team. Cole and Yorke at Manchester United; Cort at Newcastle; Dublin at Villa. Isn´t it about time we had one?"
During the summer Reid jets off to Africa for his holiday (to see his relatives) and as he´s swinging around the trees with a banana in his foot he spots a young kid kicking a coconut along the beach. The kid has an amazing talent as he flicks it up onto his knee and keeps it off the sand for minutes on end.
"Hey son! Let´s see if you can kick that coconut into that hole in that tree over there." Pointing to a tree 50 yards away. The kid didn´t disappoint and the coconut flew into the hole and Reid immediately makes plans for the lad to fly with him to Mackemland.
As the team sit in the dressing room before Sunderland´s pre-season friendly against Accrington Stanley, the youngster sits alone wondering if he has made the right decision. Reid picks up a football, points to it, and says: "This is a BALL! Understand?"
He turns to the blackboard and sketches a goalpost and says: "This is a GOAL! Understand? The idea is to put the BALL in the GOAL. Get it?"
The kid says: "I understand what football is all about, Mr Reid."
Reid replies: "It´s not you I´m talking to, son. It´s the rest of the thick b******s!"
MALCOLM THE MACKEM
Malcolm comes home from school very excited and says to his dad: "Dad, dad, we had a spelling test today at school and I was first ´cos I got 17 out of 20, and some of the words were big ones with four letters in them."
Father looked up and said: "That son, is because you are a Mackem!"
Next day Malcolm ran all of the way home from school to tell his dad about the maths test he had taken: "Dad, dad, I got 19 out of 20 for maths, and they were really hard ´cos some of them added up to ten."
"That son," said his dad, "is because you are a Mackem!"
The third day he won the 100 meters during sports and once again he couldn´t wait to tell his dad. But he added: "Dad, afterwards in the shower I looked at all the other little boys and my tadger is much bigger than theirs. Is that because I´m a Mackem?"
"No son, that´s because you´re 27."
Ibland undrar man….
Polis nr. 1: Du åkte till stället där MP hängde sig själv, va?
Polis nr. 2: Ja, vilken röra! Killen hade klätt sig i Sunderland tröja. Så vi klädde honom i kvinnors underkläder så vi besparade familjen skammen.
Mackems på kryssning…
Sunderlands manager Peter Reid, bestämde sig för att ta laget på en kryssning.
Allting går utmärkt tills Kevin Phillips kommer springande runt hörnet;
- Kapten, kapten, någon har skitit på däck!
Niall Quinn tittar försiktigt upp;
- Okej, okej, men jag är inte dålig i luften.
Källa: www.talkofthetyne.com
